Theory: Family Reward

Theory: Family Reward

There are several ways the "troublemaker" could be treated, out of many possible ways, by his/her family. The "troublemaker" could be considered a hero by his/her spouse and children for standing up for his/her beliefs and supporting the family, and trying to protect them, while undergoing various attacks, as a loving spouse and parent should do. The family could stand by their leader, and help make him/her stronger, or, at the least, feel stronger. ..........

Or if the "troublemaker" has a spouse that is merely along for the free food and shelter and benefits as long as he/she is having fun, there can be a much different outcome. The spouse, unknown to him/her, could be a great actor. Maybe he/she married him/her for a free ride, not for love, so he/she would not have to work. ............. He/she does not believe the "troublemaker" or in his/her character to try to do the right thing, and decides to leave because he/she believes the "troublemaker" "is going down the tubes" politically and professionally, and he/she can no longer count on an easy free ride. The "troublemaker" works too much to keep his/her job and now is boring to the spouse. The spouse has apparently been warned by the spouse of the chief tormenter that they are going to eliminate the "troublemaker," or "get him/her." ........ The spouse takes everything that can be hauled off while the "troublemaker" is at work, demands almost everything the "troublemaker" has, starts a line of younger lovers, and expands his/her search for more fun. .......... The "troublemaker" is devastated. But no one cares.

The kids, who have mostly bonded with the leaving spouse, may not believe the "troublemaker" either, but may believe the words of the person they bonded to, no matter what that person does. ......... It may take years for them to see the truth, if ever. Except for a faithful friend or two, he/she is essentially alone.

He/she relishes his/her triumphs alone, but he/she has always really been alone (even though he/she did not realize it at the time), so it does not matter anymore. He/she becomes resigned to being really alone, and fighting alone for things believed to be right.

If you fill the "troublemaker" position at your organization, better hope you have a good and faithful spouse who believes in you .........

Adrian R. Lawler, Ph.D.,   (C) 2011 --